A woman was driving to the grocery store one day when suddenly there was a puff of smoke in the passenger seat. A little red man with a tail materialized. When the smoke finally cleared, he spoke up. "Hello," said the little red man. "Why don't you try running through this red light?"

"I don't think that is a good idea." answered the woman angrily. She waited for the green, and continued driving down the street.Soon, she got stuck behind a slow tow truck.

"Bet you can't step on the gas and pass him." coaxed the little red man.

"Will you stop telling me how to drive?" the woman said in a huff.

"What are you, chicken?" the little red man said with a grin.

The woman turned to the little red man and looked at him suspiciously. "Wait a second," she said, "Are you Satan, the King of Evil?"

"No," the little man replied, "I'm just a daredevil."

A police officer saw a woman sitting in her car with a tiger next to her. The officer said,"It's against the law to have that tiger in your car here on the street! Take him to the zoo."

The next day the police officer saw the same woman in the same car with the same tiger. He said, "I thought I told you to take that tiger to the zoo!"

The woman replied, "I did. He liked it so much, today we are going to the beach!"

Joe was late in meeting Sarah at the corner, and his shorts and T-shirt were all wet.He said he hat been playing in the sprinkler and couldn't dry his clothes.

"Why not?" asked Sarah.

"Because I could'nt fit in the dryer."

One September, a third grade class came into their homeroom to discover their new teacher was a stallion. He was a big stallion, but had a high-pitched little voice, and the class thought this was hilarious. They laughed everytime he opened his mouth and he spent his whole day yelling and screaming for order. Finally, one day, the stallion lost his voice, and he brought a pony into the class to help him out. The pony was small, but he had a voice like a foghorn and he bellowed, "YOU KIDS BETTER PAY ATTENTION OR ELSE!" The kids quieted down and paid attention, which only goes to show you: To get things done you have to shout until you get a little horse.

"If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many would you have?" the teacher asked the little boy.

"One dollar." replied the boy.

"You don't know your arithmetic," said the teacher.

"No," said the boy,"You don't know my father."

A frog expert from the aquarium gave a talk to a third grade class. "It's easy to tell the male frogs from the female frogs," he said. "When you feed them, the male frogs will only eat female flies, and the female frogs will only eat male flies.'

"But how do you know which flies are male and which are female?" asked a boy sitting at the back of the class.

"How am I supposed to know?" replied the man. "I'm a frog expert!"

James was really excited when he came home from school. His mother asked him for the good news and he said, "I got a hundred in school today! In two subjects!"

James's mother was overjoyed. She said, "My goodness, how did you do that?"

James said, "I got fifty in math and fifty in science."

A teacher asked his class, "If I had 12 apples in my right hand and 10 apples in my left hand, what would I have?" A voice from the back of the class says, "Really big hands, sir."