Jokes! Continued continued...

Mark had always been really skinny. One day, his uncle said to him, "Mark, you should really eat more. Before you know it, your teacher will mark you absent or standing sideways."

One day, an old lady picks up the phone. On the other line, she hears," I am the viper." She puts down the phone. Then, the phone rings again. "I am the viper." she hears again. Then, a couple minutes later, the intercom rings. "I am the viper!" The old lady is very curious, and then, suddenly, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and finds and old little man holding a bucket and a mop. "I am the viper," he said, "and I have come to vash and vipe the vindows."

Knock Knock Jokes:

Knock knock.Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo.

Knock knock.Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita nother minute.

Knock knock.Who's there? Xena. Xena who? Xena good movie lately?

Knock knock.Who's there? Wire. Wire who? Wire you asking me that again? I Just told you!

Knock knock.Who's there? Polo. Polo who? Polo-ver, you're under arrest.

Knock knock.Who's there? The interrupting cow. The in- MOOOOOOOO!

Knock knock.Who's there? Police. Police who? Po-lice open the door!

Knock knock.Who's there? Deluxe. Deluxe who? Deluxe-smith. I'm here to fix de lock.

Practical Jokes and Pranks:

Want to really gross out your classmates? Tell them you've eaten dudu.

After they recover from the shock, tell them it's an African specialty made from salted bugs: ants, beetles, worms, crickets, etc. Mmmm, tasty!

Pour cold water over the shower curtain rod on someone using the shower. Run away fast.

Take a picture of the creepist, scariest, grossest monster you can find and hide it somewhere in your house. Lead your sibling to the hiding place, swear him to secrecy, then reveal the photo and say it's a photo of him when he was born.

Tell your sister that one of her friends called, and said one of the coolest kids at school is having a party tonight but you can't remember all the details. Then run and hide for the rest of the day.

Try these greetings out next time when you answer the phone: [Your name]'s pizza! I'm the person if you want pie!

Pet's Vets! There's no business like monkey business!

(in a wisper) Institue for overly sensitive eardums.

Tell someone that you can pin a glass of water to the wall. Naturally, your victim will not believe you, so you set out to prove it. You will need a glass cup of water, and a straight pin.Hold the glass up and start pinning it up- then drop the pin. Ask your victim very nicely to please pick up the pin for you. Whe he/she bends down to pick it up, pour the water over his/her head. Don't forget to run away!

When you order pizza, make the first topping pepperoni. Just befor you hang up, say, "Remember-no pepperoni,please!" Don't wait for a response.

Say your brother asks you to make him a peanut butter sandwich. What do you say? Pretend you're a genie who has the power to transform!

Your Brother: Could you make me a peanut butter sandwich?

You: Abracadabra! There, you're a peanut butter sandwich!

The same gag works for other types of sandwhiches, chocolate cakes, and cups of tea. This joke is good for a few laughs, but don't do it to often or someone might start playing tricks on you!